solace
by CrimsonedClouds
Summary: In which the Eighth Imperial Princess of the Kou Empire is, and is not. (But she thinks she's somewhere in the middle.) Self-Insert; inspired by natanije's "Crimson Jade".
1. Chapter 1

**solace**

 **"** _I found solace in the strangest place_

 _Way in the back of my mind_

 _I saw my life in a stranger's face_

 _And it was mine_ **"**

 **I**

Kougyoku Ren, the Eighth Imperial Princess of the Kou Empire born from the womb of a former prostitute and legitimate daughter of Koutoku Ren, is an oddity.

Perhaps it's because of her wide, pink eyes that seem to see everything and nothing at the same time, always watching and searching for something beyond her peers' grasp. Or maybe it's the way she treats her servants: like equals, and with the respect a princess should only give to her fellow royalty. She asked for their names and offered them her snacks- she told them stories and tried to teach one of the maids how to read. To say her attendants were shocked when they found out was an understatement.

Her attendants were two middle-aged women who snuck off in the middle of the day to admire the princes while they trained. They hardly paid any attention to Kougyoku, so when she was found wandering the halls of her wing while she was supposed to be learning proper etiquette it was no surprise that they were promptly executed. New attendants were found, this time three young women.

They made the same mistakes and met the same early demise.

Kougyoku never _meant_ for them to die- she was just curious as to what lay beyond the confines of her wing. Her mother, a beautiful and voluptuous former prostitute with caramel hair and eyes, had given birth to her inside of the brothel that she worked in. They lived there for a little over a year before Kougyoku was identified as Koutoku's daughter and they were both shipped off to the castle. She and her mother lived in their wing peacefully for another three years with her mother disappearing a few nights a week to her father's quarters. When Kougyoku was four, her mother was impregnated once again but died during childbirth, and the little boy was stillborn.

Kougyoku, while still in the midst of remembrance, wondered, why did her mother have to die? It was fate, The Show sneered, and you have a fate, too.

She was quiet and remained that way for quite a while.

( _Fate? She didn't quite like it. Why was it there? Why couldn't Kougyoku do things her_ own _way?_

 _Destiny was the monster beneath her bed._

 _ **She wanted to get rid of it.**_

 _No, she mused._

 _She wanted to be free of it._

 _Kougyoku absentmindedly closed her book, choosing to ignore the single black bird resting upon her shoulder._ )

* * *

Kougyoku wanders through the halls ( _'_ once more _' goes unsaid, but it's still there, and she can practically hear the shrieking of a blade against its sheath preparing for her attendants' execution. She snickers, because perhaps her mother's absence is more prominent than she thinks._ ) opposite of her wing, and she has been for the past hour or so. There is no search, and so she thinks her attendants are still swooning over her cousins. She had studied the layout of the castle before, and she knows where to go. Her footsteps are just shy of silent as she nears the oaken wood doors and creaks them open, preparing for the worst.

A blur of pink lunges at her and she is pinned to the ground.

Kouha looms over her, a snarl marring his pretty, pretty face ( _prettier than her own, she mused_ ) with his eyes narrowed into slits and a spur of hateful words sitting at the tip of his tongue.

As he lets them loose, he expects her to cry or run away but she merely smiles and holds still, not reacting when he lifts his hand to punch her.

He did, leaving a nasty red blotch on her pale cheek.

She blinks and continues smiling, albeit a bit more cheekily.

Kouha growls and prepares to strike her again but she grasps his fist in her hand and he freezes. Her hand is _warm_ and _soft_ and _kind_ and it's _just like his mother's_ \- just like _ **Kouha's**_ because he is Kouha's mother, her only caretaker and the only one who loves her. He is still frozen as she shuffles out from underneath him and helps him stand up, brushing off his clothes. She continues smiling and beings speaking, and that's when Kouha snaps out of it.

"I'm your sister," she began, "Kougyoku. It's nice to meet you. I heard it's only you and your mother here, so I was wondering if you were lonely."

She knows his name, but she doesn't mention it because _of course_ he might just _assume_ that she was listening to the rumors about him and the nasty remarks people made about the ' _pair of psychopaths in the Lotus Wing_.' He is just a five year old after all.

( _So is she, but only physically._ )

Kouha's snarl turns into a sneer. "You're not my sister. You're just the kid of some whore that _pig_ put in his bed!"

Kougyoku pays no mind to the direct insult to both her and her mother.

"But that happened to both of our mother's, didn't it? We're related- Prince Koutoku is our father," she paused to tuck a strand of her hair-

( _Kouha, at that moment, thought that it was just a tad darker than his, and in the future he would take pride in the fact that they share the same general hair color._ )

-behind her ear, "and we can't do anything about that. Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to your mother?"

Kouha's jaw dropped.

 _She wanted to talk to her?_

 _. . ._

"I don't think I can do anything about her illness, but at the very least I can calm her down!" Kougyoku exclaimed, pink eyes twinkling with hopefulness.

It's fake, but Kouha doesn't comment on that.

He doesn't sense any ill will from her.

He lets her in, but he doesn't understand why.

( _"She's calm . . . "_ )

Her smile broadens.

( _"She won't ever get better."_ )

"What's your name?"

"That's Kouha, and I'm Kouha's mother! I take care of Kouha, and Kouha doesn't need anyone but me!"

"But, well, your name _is_ Kouha, isn't it? At least, your royal name. My name isn't really Kougyoku. Mother used to call me _Rinneko_."

". . ."

"I guess not then. But, feel free to call me that, okay? And, can I call you Kouha? Because now that I'm here, I'll help take care of your mother, so you can be Kouha and she can be Kouha's mother!"

"Yeah."

( _"I know."_ )

( _"Don't worry. She'll stay with us for a while come."_ )

"Great!"

Kouha places a hand over his heart. He doesn't know why, but as he sees his sister's first genuine smile, a warm, fuzzy feeling erupts within his chest.

( _"I know."_ )

( _And Kouha knew that he would protect his sister's smile for as long as he lived, because without it Rinneko wouldn't be Rinneko, and Kouha would be lost._ )

* * *

 **This story is inspired by natanije's** _ **Crimson Jade**_ **and shanatique's** _ **The Cuckoo**_ **. Go check those two stories out and give them the support they deserve!**

 **[Rinneko is a name I made up for this fanfiction- or, at least, I don't think it's an actual name and if it is then please correct me- with 'rinne' meaning 'samsara' and 'ko' meaning 'child,' so 'Rinneko' means 'Samsara child' or 'Samsara's child' or [etc.] . . . ]**

 **A short introduction chapter to this story!**

 **/Next Time: Ka Kouban and the Sa Sisters make their entrance, and-** _ **"Why is there an erotica novel underneath your bed, Honorable Princess!?"**_

 **Kougyoku has both black and white rukh because, as mentioned in the chapter, she curses fate and goes against the flow of Solomon's white rukh. [inspired by Crimson Jade]**

 **She will not be a Mary-Sue, but it's apparent that she does have more black rukh than white rukh.**

 **[This may be an occurring problem later on in the story!]**

 **Also, the manga and anime never go into detail about Kougyoku's mother. She's never even seen! Most of the** _ **very**_ **few Kougyoku SI!OC fanfictions I've read have her mother play a large part in the character's upbringing, but to further this story's plot and the fact that Kougyoku is more than halfway fallen into depravity, I decided to kill her off.**

 **Her mother will be mentioned quite frequently in this story, so be prepared for that.**

 **Reviews, please :o ?**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**solace**

 **"** _I found solace in the strangest place_

 _Way in the back of my mind_

 _I saw my life in a stranger's face_

 _And it was mine_ **"**

 **II**

Kouban Ka is resigned. He is of noble origins, his family a prideful one- his third cousin twice removed is married to the fourth princess of another land!- that dutifully serves the Imperial Family of the Kou Empire. His brother is the attendant of Princess Kouren- the fifth imperial princess- and his mother serves under the Third Imperial Princess, Koutoku Ren. His father is one hundred twenty-eighth in line for the throne. Kouban himself had been a mere messenger for the Seventh Imperial Princess Kourin Ren, but he had been _transferred_ to a more _important_ job. Now, when he had heard that he would be the Eighth Imperial Princess' attendant, he was nothing more than excited. However, after realizing _exactly_ what that job entails- he had drawn a blank when realizing that the Eighth Princess was indeed _the Eighth Princess_ \- he was more than prepared to write his own will.

Kouban had expected a bratty, sneaky, rude, albeit smart- _he had heard tales of the girl's journeys to the library and her thirst for knowledge, and he can respect an avid learner_ \- little girl. (But, but-!) Now, all he can see is an innocent, five-year-old child with wide, intelligent pink eyes and long, dark pink hair, and when she tilts her head, it looks like she's staring _right through him_ and Koubun shifts ever so slightly.

The Princess takes note of that. She files the information away for later use.

He clears his throat rather abruptly and the twins behind him- his fellow attendants now whose solemnity he respects- stand tall. "I am Kouban Ka, and these are the Sa Sisters,. From now on, we will be your faithful attendants, Honorable Princess," he declares.

They bow so low that Kougyoku is sure their foreheads are brushing the floor.

"It's an honor to make your acquaintance, Mr. Kouban, Sa Sisters. I am Kougyoku Ren, and I hope that I do not trouble you during your time serving under me!" She chirps, smiling kindly at them.

Koubun does a double take but quickly regains his posture because, _oh, did the Eighth Imperial Princess just address them with respect?_

"Honorable Princess, it is very inappropriate for you to address us with such respect. We are but lowly attendants," he states calmly, not unkindly.

"Oh, but I talk to everyone this way. My apologies, Mr. Kouban!" Kougyoku purrs.

Koubun pauses.

"Honorable Princess, you must never apologize to anyone of lower social standing than you," he reprimands.

( _"Sorry!"_ )

( _"Honorable Princess-!"_ )

* * *

Kougyoku knows Kouban Ka- _"Enshin, Entai, Engi, kill them."_ \- as the loyal attendant of Kougyoku Ren, but _Kougyoku Ren_ doesn't _exist_ so _**neither should he**_ but he's still here and so are the Sa Sisters. She tilts her head slightly, humming quietly as she devours the contents of the book before her. A large, leather-bound, musty old thing that had resided in the very depths of the library's oldest section and had not been touched in decades before Kougyoku got her hands on it. It was about _Alma Torran_ , the world that _Solomon_ created and ruled over. She mulled over the question- _why was this book even in the library in the first place?_

It contains vital information on the formation of white rukh and _what exactly is black rukh_ and the essence of a magi, and, and, _and_ , it's _written in a language that Kougyoku has never seen before and yet she can read with impeccable accuracy_.

( _No, she can't read it- the bl_ _ **a**_ _ck_ _ **bi**_ _rd o_ _ **n**_ _he_ _ **r s**_ _ho_ _ **uld**_ _er_ _ **i**_ _s w_ _ **hi**_ _s_ _ **p**_ _e_ _ **r**_ _i_ _ **ng t**_ _he wor_ _ **d**_ _s i_ _ **nt**_ _o h_ _ **er**_ _e_ _ **a**_ _r. S_ _ **h**_ _e i_ _ **gn**_ _o_ _ **r**_ _es th_ _ **e nu**_ _m_ _ **bne**_ _s_ _ **s**_ _i_ _ **n**_ _h_ _ **er**_ _ch_ _ **es**_ _t._ )

She knows of Arba and Gyokuen and Hakuei. She knows.

She knows, and she doesn't care.

She doesn't do anything.

 _Kougyoku_ is silent.

 _Kougyoku_ is quiet.

 _Kougyoku_ is _gone_.

The Eighth Imperial Princess of the Kou Empire smiles as she closes the book, her fingers dancing over the black birds perched upon the cover.

* * *

"Rinne, what're you doin'?" Kouha mumbles as his sister combs through his hair, humming a quiet song.

"I'm brushing your hair, silly! It's really messy from all that fighting you did earlier, y'know!" She giggles, fluffing up his pink locks.

Kouha huffs and lays his head down on her lap, closing his eyes.

( _Her touch is soothing. Kouha remembers his mother in the bed next to them. Asleep._ )

He doesn't understand how the _pig_ could ever have someone this kind as his legitimate child. It just _doesn't add up_. His eyes narrow slightly but he relaxes once more when Rinne grabs his hand.

For once, he feels safe in the arms of someone other than his mother.

* * *

The Sa Sisters are always silent. They never speak to Kougyoku but she knows they're listening. She also knows that they are prepared to commit homicide to protect her.

* * *

 _Kougyoku strolls leisurely through the halls, heading back to her wing from the library where she had been studying the history of the Kou Empire. Her eyes are half-lidded but her posture is perfect and her hands are clasped together beneath her long, elegant sleeves, held in front of her bosom. Her wine-like hair sways from side to side as she moves- it is styled exactly The Original's, although it is held using only regular traditional hair sticks because Kouban has yet to gift her with her signature hair ornament- and her footsteps are quiet, quieter than ever before._

 _There is a banquet today, held for the visiting nobles and hosted by the First Emperor himself. Kougyoku's eldest brothers are the only ones from Koutoku's side of the family to attend._

 _It is a great honor._

 _The Eighth Imperial Princess is an oddity, indeed. She conspires with her psychotic (Kougyoku restrained herself from attacking the noble who had spoken those words. Kouha did just fine in her place.) brother, her mother was a prostitute, and, oh, did you hear that she made a game out of having her attendants executed?_

 _(Kougyoku merely looked away and admired the gardens as Kouha pulled out a knife-_ where did he even get that? _)_

 _Now, as she walks down the halls, she hears the whispers. The nobles murmur to one another, eyeing the princess as she continues on her way._

"That's the Eighth Imperial Princess, the crazy one."

"The only one worse than her is the youngest Prince."

"Prince Koutoku should throw her out."

"She has no place here."

"-never amount to anything."  
"-useless."

"- **disgusting**."

 _Kougyoku pauses and turns to look at them. They fall silent._

 _The Sa Sisters are looming figures, poised like predators just behind her and, oh, is that a knife?_

 _The nobles shuffle uncomfortably. The ones who cannot successfully mask their true emotions appear afraid._

 _Kougyoku smiles at them- it's sickly sweet and the nobles_ shivered _\- and continues on her way._

 _The Sa Sisters spare them a glance before they leave._

 _(_ Kougyoku snickers. _)_

It was quite amusing to watch. _Kougyoku_ takes joy in the discomfort of others.

(The black birds laughed.)

* * *

Kouban was merely being a good attendant when he decided that he tidy up the princess' quarters. He stacked books, organized her jewelry box, tidied up her closet and did her bed.

As he bends down to search underneath her bed, he spots a small book lying there. He calmly reaches out for it, assuming it is merely one of the princess' misplaced history books. He grasps it and quickly pulls his arm back towards him, unsettled by the cold, numb, chilling feeling he got while underneath there. Kouban frowns and flips the book over to read its title- it's too small to be a proper history book, so he wonders what it is- and he's pretty sure his brain short circuits.

( _The book is- the book is-!_ )

The door creaks open behind him, and the Princess walks in, the Sa Sisters trailing behind her.

The young girl turns towards him with a smile while he searches for the right words.

( _He is trembling, Kougyoku notes._ )

( _Kouban takes a deep breath, and-_ )

 _ **"Why is there an erotica novel underneath your bed, Honorable Princess!?"**_

* * *

 **This story is inspired by natanije's** _ **Crimson Jade**_ **and shanatique's** _ **The Cuckoo**_ **. Go check those two stories out and give them the support they deserve!**

 **[Rinneko is a name I made up for this fanfiction- or, at least, I don't think it's an actual name and if it is then please correct me- with 'rinne' meaning 'samsara' and 'ko' meaning 'child,' so 'Rinneko' means 'Samsara child' or 'Samsara's child' or [etc.] . . . ]**

 **The second chapter: Kougyoku's loyal guardians appear!**

 **/Next Time: Kougyoku and Kouha are inseparable. Kouban Ka is resigned. Kouen and Koumei make their debut!**

 **In the anime and manga, Kouban's name is said as 'Ka Kouban' because last names come first there. However, I'm 'Americanizing' the script, seeing as I don't use suffixes like -chan or -kun [etc.]. Please take note of this.**

 **[This may affect the fluency and interpretations of some names later on in the story!]**

 **Reviews, please :o ?**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**solace**

 **"** _I found solace in the strangest place_

 _Way in the back of my mind_

 _I saw my life in a stranger's face_

 _And it was mine_ **"**

 **III**

Koumei was having a normal, normal day. He woke up, washed up, ate breakfast, retreated to his office, studied, ate lunch, went back to his office, and studied. And then, on a whim, his brother, Kouen, rushes in and drags him off to some obscure part of the palace- er, he's never been there before and he doesn't particularly _want_ to go because that's where _Kouha_ \- Kouha! Seriously, what is Kouen thinking!?- resides- and informs him that they are, in fact, going to be introducing themselves to their siblings.

Oh, that's fine and dandy. It sure feels like a great day to get his face ripped off.

And, Koumei pauses and turns to question his brother's wording when without warning he opens the door and, oh, out rushes Hell on wheels. Or legs, if you're feeling nitpicky.

Ah, the feeling of having ones face pummeled to a pulp is something he never wants to experience again.

A good five minutes pass. His brother snarls hideous strings of curses as he beats him (where did he even learn those words?).

Koumei just _knows_ his face will be a mess of bruises by the end of the day.

He vocalizes such thoughts after Kouen plucks Kouha off of him.

There is a quiet snicker, and Koumei glances up wearily.

There's a little girl in front of him. Slightly narrowed pink eyes, pale, pale skin, dark pink hair, fine silk robes- _oh_ , Koumei muses, _my sister_.

He forgot that the Lotus Wing housed not only his youngest brother but also one of his sisters.

But- but- she was _laughing_ at him!

He felt himself twitch involuntarily as his elder brother shot him an amused glance.

Oh, how he loved his siblings.

* * *

Kouen is not amused. ( _His father's newest children- his siblings-, huddled together, snickering under their breaths. They approach him and ask him to play-_ ) Kouen is not amused. ( _-Kouen stares and stares and_ stares _because_ wait, _you_ want to play with _me? and they shift uncomfortably and scuttle away, and what's that emptiness in his chest?_ ) Kouen is not amused. ( _Kouen feels_ wanted _and_ loved _when he's around his brother and his mother and his_ half-brothers _-_ ) Kouen is not amused. ( _His brother smiles at him in a daze._ ) Kouen is not- ( _His mother on her deathbed, sickly and pale and so, so, frail- her boney hand reaching out to cup his cheek one last time-_ ). . . unamused.

He fails to hide this from his dear sister who he has treasured since the moment of her birth, who he will love and protect forever, and who he has had no contact with whatsoever.

. . .That did not quite come out in the right way.

Kouen has loved the _idea_ of her since her birth ( _a sister not interested in puffy dresses and pretty men? A sister interested in politics? A sister willing to dedicate days on end to study?_ ). He is willing to love and protect her for the next eternity, but, of course, after proper introductions.

And, of course, he never meant to drop into her life so abruptly- he had been planning visits for months and months, but never found the time until now.

( _Kouen frowns as he stares at the set of doors before him._

 _He is_ that close _from forcing it open when he abruptly turns and strides away._ )

He sighs soundlessly as he observes his eldest-younger-brother's bruised and beaten. . . face. His sister, Kougyoku, had wearily diffused Kouha by placing a hand on his shoulder and gently pulling him back. ( _They have a strong bond. It will be beneficial in the future, when they are fighting for their lives on the front lines, sacrificing themselves for the good of th-. . . Kouen quickly stops his train of thought._ ) Now, Koumei is attempting to sit up, groaning in pain and embarrassment. ( _He will_ never _live this down._ )

"'Ha, you can't beat up the Second Prince- your elder brother!- without good reason." She scolds.

( _So with good reason. . . ?_ )

"But, Rinne-. . ."

Kouen pauses. All of Koutoku's children have two names, given under different circumstances- a personal name from their mother and a royal name from their father. He had one, too, but. . . it brought up bitter memories of the past.

( _"Mother!? Mother, wait! You can't leave yet-!_ )

For his brother to use one so naturally. . . _Those two really_ are _close_.

* * *

Kougyoku shifts uncomfortably. She eyes her eldest brother wearily, waiting for him to say _something_ , _anything_.

Ugh.

( _The ugly, nagging voice in the back of her head asks her why she even cares._ )

"Your Majesty, it's an honor to meet you," she chirps, dipping her head respectfully.

( _Somewhere close by, Kouban Ka's heart swells with pride._ )

Kouen's hand shifts minutely. Kougyoku files that information away for later.

Finally, he nods curtly and something reminiscent of a smile tugs at his lips. "Kouha, you have an excellent form. You have the makings of a fearsome warrior, and I have no doubt you will become one, one day." He pauses ( _for the effect? . . . is Kouen one for dramatics?_ )

( _The black bird snickers._ )

"And you, Kougyoku; an excellent diffuse."

Kougyoku's mood sullens because, really? Six words, compared to the mini-speech he gave Kouha?

Her smile remains calm and passive, and she fights the urge to sigh.

Kouen seems to pick up on her dissatisfaction and glances away towards his other brother, who has already- while they weren't looking- stood and dusted himself off.

Kouha mumbles nonsense under his breath, and Kougyoku giggles. "'Ha, you have to use real words, or nobody will understand you, y'know!"

"I know that!" Kouha huffs indignantly, crossing his arms.

"You say that every time, but you keep doing it!"

"Well- that's-!"

"It's what!?"

"It's nothing!"

* * *

Koumei let loose a long-suffering sigh. Oh, how he loved his siblings.

* * *

 **This story is inspired by natanije's** _ **Crimson Jade**_ **and shanatique's** _ **The Cuckoo**_ **. Go check those two stories out and give them the support they deserve!**

 **[Rinneko is a name I made up for this fanfiction- or, at least, I don't think it's an actual name and if it is then please correct me- with 'rinne' meaning 'samsara' and 'ko' meaning 'child,' so 'Rinneko' means 'Samsara child' or 'Samsara's child' or [etc.] . . . ]**

 **The third chapter: The Kou- brothers make their debut!**

 **/Next Time: Judar has never been one for friendship. But alas, that all changes when he meets** _ **her**_ **. And, of course it's not fate- what are you talking about!?**

 **It. . . took forever and a half to churn out this chapter, and it's honestly a half-baked pile of crap. I had no idea how to write Kouen, and. . .**

 **Ugh.**

 **I'm so sorry about this. I'll try to be more productive- I've been really busy recently. There'll be more frequent updates soon enough.**

 **Also- what would you guys think about romance?**

 **[Thank you for all the kind and supportive reviews! They mean alot to me!]**

 **Reviews, please :o ?**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**solace**

 **"** _I found solace in the strangest place_

 _Way in the back of my mind_

 _I saw my life in a stranger's face_

 _And it was mine_ **"**

 **IV**

Judar was alone. He was always alone.

( _Perhaps not. There was a time when he had a mother and a father and seven older brothers. They are gone now._ )

The People always came and went. They observed him, abused him, _controlled_ him. He never had a chance.

The People were always watching.

( _Their name was never to be spoken._ )

( _The rukh whispered to him,_ run away, run away, escape, move, **get out of here-** )

(- _and then they disappeared._ )

Yes, Judar was alone. Was it suffocating? Yes. Did he care? no( _yes_ ). No, Judar was not particularly sad about his lifestyle, the deaths of his family ( _the family who never existed, who never believed, who defied them and_ _ **they deserved to die**_ _so they did and Judar was alone. He was compatible, and he was alone._ )

-but he chose this fate, did he not? Of course, had he been a normal child with a normal life and a normal ( _living_ ) family, he would have friends. Because he loved to talk and talk and talk and _laughlaughlaugh_. And Judar was not scared (he was) and not shy (perhaps not) and not compatible with the children in the palace (as usual). So he stayed by himself because he preferred his own company to anyone else's, so, yes, Judar was alone.

( _and then he wasn't._ )

He was the Magi of the Kou Empire, and he had his duties. He did such duties with impeccable timing and skill because he was Judar, and Judar was him, and _everything and everyone he graced with his presence were blessed_. He was the incarnation of The People's will ( _no matter much he hated it_ ) and he was the greatest thing to grace the planet. Nothing, no one, was better than him.

He was _perfection_.

Naturally, he found those foolish non-believers annoying. Beyond annoying. They were but stepping stones for stepping stones to him, and he could care less what they thought of him.

He could care less.

( _He really could._ )

The young Magi knew they spread verbal poison concerning him when they thought he wasn't around like flames to a forest.

( _He really could._ )

Nobody would dare raise a hand to him, however, and that was more than fine with him. He wouldn't want their dirty, dirty appendages touching him- not that they would be able to land a single hit, in the first place. So, yes, he knew people were scared of him. They were _terrified_. It was amusing, it was [suffocating, painful, terrifying] _fantastic_.

And then he was punched in the face by an irritated little girl.

Fuck.

* * *

Kougyoku, Rinneko, whoever she was, breathed in, and in, and in, and in, and _out_.

Meditation was a useful skill for when she was… not so happy. She had just met her father, and… her 'unbothered' attitude had failed her, only slightly. Really, that skirt-chaser was quite bothersome, as usual. She could see why her siblings had supported her eldest brother instead of their biological father _back then_. In The Show. ( _and maybe she would, too._ ) He was, after all, a critical thinker. Unlike their father.

Really, a different woman for each child (sans Kouen and Koumei)? Disgraceful. Even the Emperor, Hakutoku Ren, was better than that; i.g., _having one wife and zero concubines_.

Oh, woe is her. ( _Woe is her, indeed._ )

Four hours passed (it was her day off; a once in a lifetime event, and it was ruined by her father. Screw him.) with Kougyoku, Rinneko, meditating. And then she got bored and promptly ditched a rather snooty-looking temporary assistant (Mr. Ka and Mrs. Sa and Mrs. Sa were at an important meeting! How exciting!) with little to no effort before proceeding to wander around the mostly empty hallways of the Lotus Wing. She'd heard there was a visitor. She wondered, was it-!?

"Oof," she mumbled as she fell on her butt, frowning slightly up at the boy she had bumped in to.

And there, maybe a year or two older than her, and a good three inches taller as well stood Judar, the sole Magi of the Kou Empire.

Well, she wasn't actually thinking that as her frown immediately turned into a scowl and she and Judar began to bicker.

"What the hell? Watch it, you fucking brat-"

"Excuse me? I'm not a _brat_ you old geezer-"

"You bumped into me. Therefore, you must be slow in the head since I had been _right in front of you_ -"

"Then why didn't you _move_ -"

"Why should _I_ move for _you_ -"

"What's wrong with you? What did I ever do to you-"

"Fuck you, you shitty piece of-"

(She punched him in the face.)

* * *

Okay, Rinneko admitted that that wasn't her best moment. But the Kougyoku within her had been ignited by her father's vulgar ways and Judar's superiority complex, and thus she had acted rather brashly. Ashamed of her actions but not particularly feeling any remorse, guilt, pity, or anything feeling with any connotation of the previously stated, she merely huffed at his dumbstruck expression and continued on her way, albeit at a much faster pace and with more awareness of her surroundings. She had punched Judar. She had _punched Judar_. Holy mother of all things holy.

(Looking back, was probably the worst decision of her life.)

* * *

 **Hello. This story's premise and first three chapters were heavily inspired by the stories** _ **The Cuckoo**_ **by shanatique and** _ **Crimson Jade**_ **by natanije. Please go check those out.**

 **Also, the lyrics at the top are from SIA's song,** _ **Alive**_ **.**

 **Also, I have no words for my transgressions. Please, I beg of you, forgive me of my misdeeds o' mighty readers.**

 **In other words...**

 _ **It's been too long.**_ **I haven't updated since** _ **MARCH FIRST**_ **. FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS, GUYS. FOUR AND A MOTHER-FRICKING** _ **HALF**_ **.**

 **Also, I apologize for the shortness of the chapter and if I didn't warn you guys about the cursing in this chapter. I think it goes without saying that a story rated 'Teen' would have swearing, though (especially an anime fanfiction)? I don't know.**

 **If anyone is uncomfortable with swearing, please tell me and I'll put up warnings or censor some words.**

 **ALSO also, when it says Judar could care less and then 'he really could', it was kind of a play on words? Or something? Idk how a play on words works but technically 'I could care less' should be 'I couldn't care less' for the 'correct' meaning that people use it for today. So by saying 'he really could', it was basically implying that Judar is more hurt by the general populace's discrimination of him than he would like to admit.**

 **Anyways, thanks, and have a wonderful night (day?)**

 **/Next time: Maybe he's in love, maybe he's not. Why the hell do you care!? VS. He was always with them, until one day he wasn't (and it was never the same again)./**

* * *

 **To make up for my absence and a short chapter, here's a lame little extra...**

* * *

"Brother, did our cousin just-..."

"Indeed she did."

"But-"

"I know, Hakuren. Now, please, silence: Hakuryuu and Hakuei are asleep. We mustn't disturb them. After all, sleep is detrimental to our growth."

"Sorry, _mother_."

"You-"

"I know, I know, Hakuyuu. Brother. _Mother_."

"...I do not understand how Mother puts up with you."

"Me neither! Haha, isn't that a funny coincidence-?"

"Shush, we mustn't disturb them!"

"No way, I didn't know that-"

"Shut. Up."

"Oooh, I'll tell Mother that you were being mean to me-"

"How dare you-!?"


	5. Chapter 5

**solace**

 **"** _I found solace in the strangest place_

 _Way in the back of my mind_

 _I saw my life in a stranger's face_

 _And it was mine_ **"**

 **V**

He sat and stared. And stared. And stared some more.

Still, the damn rukh just kept chirping.

It was disgusting.

(White was such a bland color.)

No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts just kept circling back to the Princess. It was annoying. She was insufferable. All of the royals were stuck up snobs. It was a universally acknowledged truth. So why the hell did he want to talk to her again!?

Well, they hadn't necessarily talked before. It was more like arguing. So he had an excuse, right? He could say that he'd made a bad impression or something and that as Magi of the kingdom-

No.

No.

(No.)

That was not happening. Never. (NO.)

It didn't matter if his heartbeat tripled and his face burned and his eyes watered when he thought about her punching him. He was not a masochist. He was _not_.

(He did not enjoy it. He did not enjoy it. He did not enjoy it-)

Dammit.

He wasn't _allowed_ to feel this way. He was the Magi; he had responsibilities and loyalty only to the kingdom. Not loyalty to a single person or organization (although that was pretty much void at this point).

Still.

 _Still_.

Nobody had ever hurt him before. Not even his brothers or parents, as far as he could recall. They were well-mannered, just like he had been.

( _He wondered what they would say if they could see him now_.)

But- but- _butI'malreadydefyingeveryoneandeverythingandeverywherewhynotsomethingmore_ -

So. Maybe he's in love, maybe he's not. Why the hell do you care!?

* * *

It had always been them. The three of them. They laughed and played and screamed and cried but they always did it _together_. The Boy's mother would smile and sing for them and cook for them and _love_ them. Even if the Boy didn't have a father to teach them things it was always better there than at home. Plus, the Pretty Miss was cool and nice and _pretty_. His sister wanted to be just like her, and he approved wholeheartedly.

Then it all went downhill.

Sickness struck, and perhaps he should've known that the Miss was too weak and too frail before she was gone.

The Boy came and lived with them, but wisely made himself scarce when That Man came home. He and his sister survived and the Boy led the way into a seemingly bright future. They assumed all the hardships had passed along with Pretty Miss in the mind-numbing winter season.

They'd assumed wrong.

( _And that day- that day- if they'd just taken a left instead, not turned right in their mad dash for freedom after That Man had hit the ground with a thud, all life gone from his eyes- then, well, the Boy would still be with them. With him._ )

"I'll be with you forever," the Boy swore, "even after death. Even with mom."

( _Liar._ )

"Well, duh," he exclaimed, "and this goes both ways! I'll stick with you forever, y'know!? You're my best friend-"

( _Liar._ )

"Big brother, help me- help-"

( _LIAR_.)

Life was harsh. They'd known that from the beginning. Growing up in the slums allowed you no false pretences, no chances at fame and glory- only poverty and sickness and death. You could dream of greatness just like any other, but it was a false hope. A pointless dream. A wasted wish. It would never come true.

They'd known this.

They'd _known_.

( _And yet there he was- twenty-one and something feet away, staring blankly from across the roaring flames as his father burned in the castle. He watched him, the screams of the royals like music to his ears. The Boy was his friend no longer. He was nobody._ )

( _Liar._ )

He watched as the Boy stepped into the carriage and waved goodbye to him as the crowd whispered and murmured around them.

Had he not seen the look in the Boy's eyes, he would have been happy for him.

But he had seen it. Had seen the glint, the flash, the _sparkle_ -

The light had entered the Boy's eyes where it hadn't been present for years after Miss' death, and there was excitement in every fiber of his body.

He was abandoning them, and he was happy.

( _Worthless. Liar. Traitor. Worthless. Liar. Traitor. WorthlEss. LiaR. TrAItor. WORthlEsS. LiAR-_ )

He was abandoning them ( _him. He was abandoning him to bury his sister alone in the cold of winter, in the dead of night. He was abandoning him and hE WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT-_ ).

* * *

He was always with them, until one day he wasn't (and it was never the same again).

* * *

 **Inspired by** _ **The Cuckoo**_ **by shanatique and** _ **Crimson Jade**_ **by natanije.**

 **Lyrics at the top from SIA's** _ **Alive**_ **.**

… **.**

 **Er…..**

 **It's… been a while.**

 **Uhm. How have you guys been…?**

…

 **Yeah. Bye.**

 **/Next time: She wasn't ignorant to the staring of her brother, but she ignored him anyways. She had gone through a decade of torturous swordsmanship lessons, and she was wholly prepared for the Dungeon. Vinea, here she comes./**

* * *

 **Another lame extra. I can't be funny while writing...**

* * *

"What the hell is he doing?" Hakuei muttered to her brother, Hakuren.

"I think he's _flirting_ with her, baby sis. I didn't even know Judar was capable of anything but cussing people out and disemboweling his enemies with forks…"

"I wonder what happened," the girl muttered, eyeing the Magi suspiciously as he offered a peach to her cutest and favorite cousin.

"No idea, sis. I just hope it stops soon. I'm tired of him asking me for tips…"

"Uhm…"

"Judar is kind of dense. I mean, he's pretty intimidating when he wants to be since he's the Magi and people respect him, but, like…"

"Er-"

"So he came up to me and was like, 'Oi, Hakuren, what's BDSM?', and-"

"Hakuren, that's not appropriate! Stop making stuff up-"

"Did you know that Judar didn't know what sex was, either? Like, at all-"

"HAKUREN!"


	6. Chapter 6

**solace**

 **"** _I found solace in the strangest place_

 _Way in the back of my mind_

 _I saw my life in a stranger's face_

 _And it was mine_ **"**

 **VI**

"Yes, I am completely, absolutely, one hundred percent sure that I am ready, Ha," Kougyoku rolled her eyes, lips twitching.

"But it's _dangerous_! You're only sixteen! What would I do if you didn't come back!?"

"Indeed, Kougyoku. You are my most useful sister when it comes to the workings of politics-"  
"Shut it, Mei!"

Sighing wearily, Kougyoku- Rinneko- shot a helpless look at an indifferent Kouen. "C'mon, nii-san, shut them up for me!"

Kouen shot a blank look at us as if trying to say 'shut up or I'll kill you; I'm working, you dipshits-'.

(Very Kouen-like, even if this was something he only did around us. Somehow he could convey all of that with nothing at all.)

"Don't bother En, Kougyoku. For that matter, you two can scram while we finish up here. The sooner we're done, the sooner I can go to sleep…" Koumei muttered, waving his fan at us.

"Fine! Whatever! C'mon Rinne; let's bother Judar! I'm going to beat his ass for volunteering you as a Dungeon capturer this soon!" Kouha exclaimed, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me from the room.

The doors slammed shut behind them, and a few servants jumped in fright. Ignoring them, Kouha made a mad dash for the gardens as Kougyoku struggled to keep up with him. Even with a decade of physical conditioning, she still wasn't able to compete with Kouha. He was faster, stronger, and more active than me, considering that he was a general and fought on an almost-daily basis. The days he had off were few and far between, but he was able to visit this week after receiving the news that she was going to attempt to capture a Dungeon.

Suddenly, a yelp sounded from ahead of Kougyoku, followed almost immediately by laughter and a deafening crash; as she rounded the corner, she skidded to a halt abruptly and _stared_.

"That fucker, I'll show him…" Kouha seethed, shaking in rage.

She understood the sentiment.

In front of her stood her brother, covered from head to toe in a messy-looking, sticky orange substance. _Peaches_ , her mind supplied helpfully.

"Uhm, wow, Ha… You alright? Looks like you're in a bit of a… _sticky situation_." Kougyoku joked halfheartedly.

"He dumped his barrel of peaches on me! That I was going to steal! _I'll kill him_!" Kouha snarled.

For a moment, Kougyoku truly believed him. The look in his eyes was practically screaming that he was, in fact, going to disembowel Judar with his favorite pair of chopsticks. She feared for Judar's pitiful existence.

Then she remembered that Judar had magic. Fuck.

"If you kill the Magi, you'll be held liable for finding the new one, and, you know, _executed_." She drawled.

"I know, I know… Still. He ruined my favorite shirt, Kougyoku. Do you know what this means?"

"...War?" It was never a good thing when Kouha stopped using her nickname.

( _Never_.)

The last time it happened… well, they didn't speak of that incident. It involved a horde of foxes, an irate Magi, a furious Hakuei, a gallon of milk, and a whole lot of explosives.

Kouha was, as expected, the one at fault. Junjun, Reirei, and Jinjin were responsible for cleaning his mess up, however. She pitied them.

Speaking of her brother's attendants…

" _Kouha-sama_! Oh, Kouha-sama, your favorite shirt is ruined! A tragedy! Hurry, Reirei, Jinjin, we must try to salvage it whilst we still can!" Junjun shrieked as she rounded the opposite corner, voice shaking as if she was about to cry.

Which she probably was.

Kouha huffed and waved goodbye to Kougyoku as he was ushered away by the three fumbling women (after slapping Junjun in the face for manhandling him). "Kick his ass for me, Rinne! You're welcome to kill him if he hits on you again, y'know!" He shouted.

"Understood, sir!" She replied, huffing out a laugh.

Despite common belief, Kouha did not hate Judar. He was actually quite fond of the teen (who was actually only a year older than them; they were all sixteen at the moment, but Judar had decided on a birthday of sorts and would be turning seventeen at the end of the month. He'd just been really tall when he was a brat. Obviously. It wasn't like she was _short_ or anything-) and didn't _actually_ want to kill him. Maybe maim him a bit. Cut off a limb? Tear out an eye?

No matter how hard Koumei may try, he would never get rid of Kouha's- and Kougyoku's, for that matter- eccentricity. The redhead had always loved gore; it was their passion for killing (or tormenting others) that brought Kouha and Judar together. Horrifying, right?

Just as she was about to turn around and head back to her quarters, Kougyoku felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped and whirled around, glaring at the owner of said hand. "Hey there, Princess. How's it going? Maim any helpless children recently?" Judar drawled, smirking.

"No way, Judar. That's more of your thing. I prefer the ones who can fight back, you dick," she snorted.

( _She didn't quite like killing children. What was the point? She had died a child, too. Sad and alone, with nobody there to comfort her._

 _But the black rukh on her shoulder tittered and tutted and giggled in her ear and whispered,_ _ **I died a child, too, you know? Drowned, suffocated by the other school children- just give them a taste of their own medicine- please-**_

 _She would ignore it._

 _And ignore it._

 _But then The Show would laugh and laugh and laugh because_ was she fated to be hypnotized and seduced and betrayed? **Was she fated to die again, too?** )

( _And then she would realize where her mind was wandering off too and forcefully drag herself back to reality. Or, what she thought was reality. Was she real? Was any of this real? Who was she?_ Where _was she? Why was she-_ )

The black-haired boy huffed and twirled his… wand… thing… in his hand. "Hmm… Well, anyways, the Queen told me to tell you that you're leaving in three hours. You _are_ ready, aren't you, shorty?"

( _Did she really? Oh, that's sad. Too bad for her. Maybe the Queen would look better without a head, her visage hanging on the very wall that she had set fire to. Perhaps, Kougyoku mused, Yuu and Ren and His Highness would be at peace, then?_ )

Kougyoku bristled. "I am _not_ short! You're just abnormally tall, you bastard. Anyway, what about Father? Why did t- Mother send you?"

"The King is sick. Or something. I dunno, I don't really care about that guy. Why, you worried? I thought you hated the old man anyways."

"I do, but I like the queen even less. I think everyone here does," Kougyoku hummed, patting Judar on the shoulder.

"By the way, Ha is out for your blood. Keep pulling stunts like that and it will cost you your life."

"Yeah, yeah. The brat is always out to kill _somebody_. At least I have some self-restraint. Plus, it's funny! His expressions are so _violent_ , Kougyoku!" Judar exclaimed, widening his eyes dramatically.

Sighing wearily, she began to walk once more. "You're coming with me to the Dungeon, aren't you?"

"Duh. Me and about a hundred men, but I doubt you'll need them. Pretty useless, if you ask me."

"And you aren't?"

"Hey! Who's the Magi here, huh!?"

"Hmm? Who said anything about magic? I could beat you in a fight and you know it. I already have, actually."

"Ugh… Like I'll ever need anything _but_ magic. And I can fly, too. Beat that, you puny mortal!"

Kougyoku just smiled, amused, and abruptly shut the door in his face, ignoring the resounding 'hey!' from the other side.

* * *

"Do you have to? You can- you can take me with you, y'know! I'll protect you, Rinne!" Kouha scowled, glaring at Judar, who laughed in his face.

"Yeah right, you sissy. You're pretty useless right now; who's the one who broke their leg climbing a tree?"

"Shut up, you two. We're leaving," Kougyoku snapped.

She had waited years for this; the only thing she'd wanted for _years_ was to claim Vinea as her own. She would be powerful. She would be _invincible_ to the likes of her sisters; they would never glare at her again. They would _fear_ her; tremble beneath her might. If not, she would kill them. It couldn't be _that_ hard. They were pretty useless; sacks of meat who fancied wearing makeup and frilly dresses to cover up their horrid faces.

( _They would pay for humiliating her- trying to get rid of her like she was some_ _ **disease**_ _-_ )

She wasn't ignorant to the staring of her brother, but she ignored him anyway. She had gone through a decade of torturous swordsmanship lessons, and she was wholly prepared for the Dungeon. Vinea, here she comes.

The Dungeon was huge, and the entrance was filled to the brim with water. Kougyoku as she broke the surface about twenty feet away from where she had appeared. To her right, Judar cursed the Dungeon's Djinn as he wringed out his sopping wet hair and eyed the water wearily. Kougyoku smirked. "Who's the sissy now? Scared of a little water?"

"Shut it," the Magi muttered as he examined their surroundings.

Many soldiers had died right then and there, sinking lower and lower towards the bottom- if there even was one- and drowning within minutes. Their armor was heavy and they were weighed down further by the numerous supplies and swords they had packed.

( _Idiots. What did they expect from the water Djinn? A desert?_ )

Perhaps she should have warned them beforehand.

(Meh.)

As she trudged through the startlingly narrow tunnel, Judar in front of her and the remaining thirty or so soldiers behind, she admired the starry sky somehow visible above them. The Dungeon was small, cramped, and humid, and water sloshed below her feet, but it was _beautiful_. Vines curled at her feet and up the stone walls; lapis lazuli twinkled in her peripheral vision. The water was clear, fresh, and ice-cold, and fishes swam every which way below her.

After what seemed like forever, the tunnel began to widen, and soon enough they were standing in front of a gigantic door.

Judar frowned. "That can't be it. All the other dungeons had monsters and demons and undead creatures. This is probably just another tunnel."

"Agreed. This was too easy," Kougyoku muttered.

The soldiers murmured amongst themselves and eyed the door determinedly. They were good men; the ones that had drowned were useless as far as she was concerned.

Slowly, hesitantly, Kougyoku stepped forward and pushed open the door. It was surprisingly light, and opened without a sound, revealing a massive room full of… water.

Kougyoku _stared_.

The room was probably the size of the Lotus Wing, with the same expansive starry sky stretching out above it. Plants twirled around the jagged stone walls, and four different streams gurgled to her left. The oddest thing, though, was the floating balls of water.

They drifted along, presumably held up by some kind of magic, varying from as small as a raindrop to as large as her, herself. They were everywhere, scattered around the room, and fish and other marine animals fluttered about inside of them.

Otherwise, the room was barren. No doors, no Djinn, no treasure, no monsters.

 _Nothing_.

( _It was almost like_ -)

Suddenly, there was a voice.

In her head.

Speaking to her.

( _And it wasn't the rukh_.)

" _I know what you desire_ ," the voice purred, " _and you desire me. But are you worthy? Are you prepared…? Can you best my dearest friend?_ "

Kougyoku paused, and her eyes flitted about the room.

There was no-one there.

A glance to her left and she saw that everyone was acting normal. It seemed as if she was the only one who could hear the Djinn.

 _Yes_ , she thought, _I am capable_.

" _My, my! Confident, are you? Very well then, little girl. Let's see you in action._ "

And then the world _dropped_.

* * *

She was alone.

A monster stood before her.

( _"Oh my! What vulgar language! Rin is no monster; he's a beauty! A wondrous creature of the sea, just like I could have been…_ ")

Three hundred feet long. Glowing eerily blue. Narrowed yellow eyes. Fangs twice the size of her. Poised to strike.

It was a _fucking sea serpent._ And it was _venomous_!

She _saw_ that shit leaking from its fangs. It was _melting through the goddamn floor_!

Slowly, Kougoku raised her sword into the air, automatically shifting into the fighting stance unique to the Kou Empire's royal family. She stared down the serpent, and it regarded her carefully, yellow eyes shining with intelligence.

And then it _lunged_.

* * *

 **Yo.**

 **I'm back, a day later.**

 **Idk this was pretty boring and im 90% sure everyone is ooc but like lmao im trying guys. I haven't watched magi in years,, also this takes place like 9 years after the last chapter because i can**

 **also: no offense meant by using the word 'sissy'**

 **i honestly hate the word but i really imagine judar calling people that tbh,, srry if u were offended**

 **tbc! :)**

 **lyrics at the top are from SIA's 'alive'**

 **thanks 4 reading**

 **favorite or follow? review?**

 **pls?**


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